Podcast Transcription
Intro: Welcome to “Flippin’ Off,” a purpose driven podcast about flipping houses and making a difference.
Melina: Well, hello, hello. Happy new year. Happy 2020. Melina Boswell here, co-founder of New Wealth Advisors Club, and I can hear my voice is…you can tell it’s January because my voice is dry and nasally and so I apologize if that’s bugging anybody. It’s bugging me more, trust me. So today we wanted to talk about new year’s resolutions. I mean, how could we not, right? It’s 2020 and it feels like, you know, on every social media, every email I get, it is something about welcoming 2020, happy new year. People are still saying, “Happy New Year” to me. And I just feel like, it’s just so…I don’t know. So I made a post and I was actually writing about it because one of my commitments for 2020 was to share more of myself, like, share more of me. And in that is a commitment to social media. And of course, as the year was ending, it seemed like a no brainer, “Oh, you have to write about new year’s resolutions.” And so the title of my post was “I Hate New Year’s Resolutions” because that’s the truth. Because what about new year’s resolutions is good, you know? To me, I feel like in many ways, new year’s resolutions are almost a way to set yourself up for failure, because it’s obligatory. “Well, it’s the new year, so I have to make some resolutions.” And so I actually looked up the word “resolution” in the dictionary to see if I could justify or somehow get some clarity about what resolutions is and some of the words were really good. So, purposeful, intentional, and with aim, right? That’s what a resolution can be. And when I saw that, I was like, “Oh, I can get behind that,” you know, because I was saying, “It feels so inauthentic and fake to be like, “Here’s my new year’s resolution.”
David: And how many of them actually come true?
Melina: Never. Like, that’s the thing. There’s the never ending joke for those of us that are, you know, consistent gym goers for 20 years, like, January is the worst time at the gym because everybody’s there. And you’re like, “I just want February to get here because the gym will be back to normal again.” It’s true, you know. So I guess that’s why it feels inauthentic and forced and obligatory. And so, I was like, “I don’t even want to write a post about resolutions.” And so, when I started reading about what they are, I was like, “I can get behind that.” Excuse me, sorry. And what are the things that we need to do to actually make resolutions if they’re intentional. And then there is something really beautiful and empowering about a clean start, you know? Like, it’s the New Year. And so, what are my commitments? What are the things that I’m going to do, and goal setting? And I think, you know, I look back at my life, especially my professional life, and how we created a business out of nothing, you know, out of nothing but sheer work and blood, sweat, and tears. And we did set goals. You know, we did set real goals. And the truth is without writing them down, they will never ever happen. They just will not. And so then it became a habit of Dave and I. We set our goals every single year and we set company goals and then also personal goals. And we were really good about writing things down and then holding each other accountable to those commitments. And so I think you can’t really have resolutions without changing habits. Ultimately, that’s what it all comes down to, is setting habits. And they say a habit is created in how many days? What’s the…21 days? And then and yeah, so you have to do something for 21 days before it becomes a habit. So it’ll be interesting. This podcast is dropping right around the end of January and my question to all of you listening is, where are you on your new year’s resolutions? Have they become a habit yet? Right? So, how about for you guys? Did you set new year’s resolutions? Did you set goals? Did you set commitments to yourselves? What did everybody… Because I don’t think we even talked about this together. So who wants to share?
David: Christian, I know you have goals.
Christian: Yeah, sure. I’ll share.
Melina: Christian?
Christian: You know it’s funny, I saw your post, Melina and I connect with it too, because I think so many people, they make resolutions and in the past what I always saw my parents do and family members was like, “My new year’s resolution is not to drink Coke this year or to drink soda,” right?
Melina: Uh-huh.
Christian: Like, things like that. And I’ve really never have made resolutions. I’ve always definitely been more towards goal setting and, you know, breaking it down just like, you know, you and Dave, business, financial, spiritual, family. And I’ve seen a lot of growth from my 2015 goals to the goals that I’m setting now. And it’s really cool to look back to see, you know, how far I’ve come and the types of goals that, you know, like I just said, that I was making back in the day. So, I would recommend everyone to definitely be more goal focused rather than just resolutions unless you actually put resolutions down on paper and you’re seeing it like you post it on your mirror and you see it every day. I think that’s when you can actually make some big changes.
Oscar: So that actually makes them goals, right, when you write them down, so. And I think that’s the big difference. Historically for me, resolutions were like, “Okay, I think I’m gonna attempt this,” right, knowing full well that it was just lip service.
Melina: “This year I’m gonna go to the gym three times a week,” right?
Oscar: Right. Or, “I’m gonna work out twice a day.” Yeah. Not so much. That’s never gonna happen, right? I don’t have that luxury of time. For me, like Christian, the personal goal side of things, I have them but not necessarily my focus. Right? They take care of themselves as I take care of my business goals. Because my business goals allow me to achieve those personal things, right, so they kind of go hand in hand. So if anybody out there is like setting, “My personal…” and you try to divide them, there has to be a link. There’s a link between those two because, you know, we talked a little bit about this before about, you know, relationships matter, all these things that matter and influence everything that you do, so you can’t separate those goals.
Melina: No. That’s right.
David: As much as you want to try to do that, right, you can’t because they’re all intertwined. They combine really well. So my big thing is let me focus on company and business goals and achieve those things because that gives me the luxury to do the other things that I plan to do.
John: I think for me, I mean, I always had new year’s resolutions up until about four years ago, you know?
Melina: You’re welcome.
John: Because, I mean, one of the other sides for me is, I was never…I mean, the feeling of not being properly educated on how to set goals. Because I talk to people now, new members of the community coming in, “Hey, what’s your goals for 2020?” And, you know, then I’m redirecting them in the way that now I’ve been trained to say they have to be smart goals. You know, how do you organize your goals because just saying, “Hey, I want to become a full time real estate investor by 2021,” it’s not really a goal. I mean it is, but it’s not. It’s still a dream because nobody’s backed into, “This is how I now need to achieve my goals.” So, sure I’ve done the gym, I’ve done the quit smoking, the healthy eating, the everything and, you know, once nicknamed Gary Give Up because I would give up very, very quickly, you know. And so now my goals are very focused, and being able to sit through some of the classes that we’ve done with Nathan, talk about SMART goals, talk about…
Melina: Why don’t you identify SMART goals? Can you break down the acronym?
John: No, I can never remember the acronym… Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable? Is it reasonable?
Oscar: Realistic.
Melina: Realistic.
John: Realistic and Time-based.
Melina: There you go. Yes, you can.
John: Yeah, I can.
Melina: There you go. Well done. Well done. Well done.
John: So my goals look a lot better this year. Let’s just put it that way. But, um so yeah, I get the whole idea of new year’s resolutions. We all want to change things going forward. It’s kind of that cut off time. And for me I’ve been, you know, if I’m really honest, I’ve kind of put things off this last week, waiting for the first Monday of the year. I’ve still been working, I’ve still been doing my things but, you know, I have my rhythm register, things that I want to do, you know, organized. And I don’t know, I’m kind of…you know, is it the OCD that says it has to start on Monday. It has to start on Monday.
Melina: That’s so funny.
John: So today was the first day and I didn’t get out of bed early enough today, so…
Melina: So you already failed.
John: I already failed, yeah. My new year’s resolution is out the window because I was so tired from a long weekend, and I stayed up too late last night, and didn’t get out of bed early enough to work out. There you go.
Melina: There you go. That’s really…
Oscar: Way to own it.
Melina: Yeah, that’s exactly right. Yeah.
David: One of the biggest things I think that I took from Nathan with goal setting is that you don’t want to set yourself up for failure, right? So if picking your goals and picking the things that you want to do, I think they need to be realistic. It’s so important that they’re realistic. Like, if you’re gonna quit… Here’s a tip that I’ve started doing recently too. But if you just journal and you write down where you’re actually at, when you… it gets foggy. You lose sight of where you are when you start, but if you journal that and you write that down, when you’re halfway through, you can look back at your journal and realize, even when you feel like there’s been no improvement, you can actually tell how much you’ve improved and where, you know… So I think it’s really important to document your journey because you will actually have more improvement than you think and it keeps you from crashing and burning. Because you just fall apart when you feel like you haven’t accomplished a goal.
Melina: Achieved nothing.
David: Yeah, I think it’s important like John said, quit smoking or wake up early but maybe it’s… I think you should put actual, like, back into the actual days that you want to not smoke for. Maybe like, I don’t know, like, if you were gonna…
Melina: I think Smokenders, like, I think that’s the best probably… Right? You know what Smokenders is? Huh, Johnny, do you know what it is?
David: Smokunders?
Melina: No, Smokenders.
David: Oh.
Melina: Yeah, that’s, you know, just… I don’t know. I’m sure it’s not one of your goals but it’s an interesting thing because my dad was a 2-pack a day smoker for 40 years. And so for him to quit was no joke. And so he joined a group called Smokenders, I don’t even know if they’re still around, and the whole thing about…and that’s how my dad quit smoking and here’s all it is. It’s all about recording what you smoke.
David: Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
Melina: It’s all about writing stuff down. And so that’s what he did. And he had this little notepad that he would carry with him, so it wasn’t, “Hey, quit smoking,” or do whatever. It was more about habit tracking. And that’s what got him to quit smoking. So he made goals like, “I smoked 40 cigarettes today, so I’m going to go for 38,” right, and then would write down every single cigarette that he smoked and it just, over… And I think it took him a few months, right, to where… But he was really, really consistent in writing down every single thing that he did and that’s what actually got him to quit smoking forever.
David: It’s a journey. Even if… I could just imagine going through that process. Like, let’s say one day you’re, you know, you’re smoking X amount of cigarettes and then the next day, you smoke a little bit more, so you feel like you’ve failed or, you know, but if you record them, at a certain point, you’re almost always progressing. You’ll always be better. It’s motivating.
Melina: You actually are. Mm-hmm. Don’t you think so much of it is just awareness?
John: It is. And, you know, we talk about goals, we talk about new year’s resolutions, you know, whatever they are, it’s something that, for me, it doesn’t just happen instantly. You know, you can’t just flick off the light switch and say, “This is what I’m now going to do,” you know, the idea of quitting smoking cold turkey, “I am not gonna smoke ever again,” versus, well, what if I use the idea of the compound effect and say, “Just work it backwards,” you know, “Hey, I’m gonna smoke a little bit less, a little bit less, a little bit less.” No different from trying to achieve your goals of, “Hey, I want to speak to five homeowners this week.” And then, “I want to speak to 10 homeowners by 3 months down the line.” It’s all goal attainable, it’s just, you know, recording it, journaling it, things that… You know, I never wrote a journal until this last year, you know. And then starting to journal really does help you identify what it is you’ve been doing, you know, because you just, you know, just flow through life. You don’t even realize you’ve actually been doing things that you wanted to do or didn’t do or…
Melina: It’s absolutely true. I can tell you one of the most powerful techniques that I’ve done, it’s really funny is I’m a big journaler. You know, I write down everything. But something that I started actually last month, and this was based on a new journal that I got, a calendar journal kind of thing, and it was, you have your month, you know, like an overview of your month, and then your week, day by day, so kind of, you know, honed in a little bit more, and then it asks you very specific questions like what are you doing today? Like, what are today’s wins? You know, what are your goals today? And then it really forces you, it asks you a couple of questions every single day, through the week. And then when you get to the end of the month, it has your month in review. So when I got to…on December 31st, you know, well, all right, I was in bed, you know, just…anyway, so. And so I was preparing my January, right? And it was like, I got to review my… I’ve never done this before. I’ve never reviewed the previous month as I was preparing for the next month. And so, like, the first thing was how did I think that the month went? And my initial thing was I sucked, right, because I had certain goals and I had like… You know, I wanted to have my financial fitness class. I wanted to have the overview done. So that was all I could think about, is the one goal that I did not meet, but then as I looked back at my journal for the month of December, I was like, “Well, shoot, I actually had some pretty big wins. I actually got my financial coaching certification on the 8th of December. I was in Hawaii in December. We rewrote DPA and foundations.” Like, there was a lot of big things that we did that I totally forgot about and I would have not given myself credit for them had I not looked and gone through the month in review. So it really does go back to writing stuff down and being aware. And I was like, “Oh wow, I guess I didn’t suck. I guess it was pretty good.” But my nature was to look at the one thing I failed in, you know, or the one goal I didn’t achieve.
David: You said awareness, like, it actually just really struck me but do you ever realize when there’s something in your life that you’re not happy with or you’re not content with, like, let’s just say finances, money, do you ever realize if you don’t want to deal with that, or if you’re not at a place where you’re ready to deal with it, you just ignore it. You’ll ignore it. Like, you ignore debt collectors. You don’t look at your bank statement. You’re like, “No, I don’t want to see a receipt on the ATM,” you know, so if…
Melina: Because I don’t want to see the balance?
David: Right. But it’s because you’re not aware. It’s because you don’t want to deal with it. I think awareness is like the main thing with anything you want to change, it’s just being aware of it and conscious of the progress and where you’re at with it, you know, always trying to make changes like…
Melina: Yeah, take ownership of it. Take ownership of what it is that you’re trying to do. So, you know, when we talk about resolutions being intentional, purposeful and with aim, doesn’t that sound like a goal?
Frank: Yeah, it sounds like we need a SMART resolution.
Melina: Go ahead and get back in the mic.
Frank: I was just saying that it sounds like a SMART resolution, right. If you’re gonna make a resolution, we should make them SMART. Make them, you know, attainable…
Melina: Go ahead. Let’s…because I think we keep on saying SMART but I think it’s…
Frank: Make them specific, make them measurable, make them attainable, make them realistic and make them time-bound.
Melina: Yeah, I had one of my students… You know, I try to meet with people I’m mentoring. I opened up the opportunity to go through their year goals, right. So I was meeting with one of my students, and she said, “I want to lose 50 pounds.” And so I was like, “How is that a SMART goal?” And she was like, “You don’t think I can lose 50 pounds?” And I was like, “No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
Frank: Not gonna happen.
Melina: But like… I was like, “No, I know you can.” So I actually backed into it. Right? Like, you know, “So you want to lose it by…” I think she gave herself three months to do it. And so…
David: That’s a lot.
Melina: Yeah, yeah. Right. So I kind of backed into it. I was like, “Here’s the truth. In order to lose 50 pounds… Let’s back into it.” So I took it all the way down. Christian, are you doing the math right now? What are you doing?
Christian: Yeah, yeah.
Melina: Because that’s exactly what I did. That’s exactly what I did, is I opened up the calculator, so 50 pounds go ahead. What did you find out?
David: Is that four a day?
Christian: 50 pounds divided by 12 weeks, right, so she has to lose 4 pounds a day. A week.
Melina: Which isn’t very attainable, right. So, right, exactly. So we backed into it where, you know, we got her down to six months.
David: That’s great.
Melina: Yeah. 1.5 to 2 pounds a week, and she was like, “Oh,” and I was like, “Now let’s go even further. Because how many calories are in a pound?” Right? So you have to burn an additional 3500 calories in order to lose 1 pound. So when you start thinking about that it’s…
David: You know how hard that is? That’s a lot.
Melina: That’s what I’m saying. That’s when you start thinking about it you’re like, “Holy cow.” Yeah. So you’re like, “Oh, I’m just gonna lose 50 pounds.” Well, let’s back into how that’s even a possibility. Right. And it is. It’s fully attainable, but we had to make the SMART goal. So now it’s like you need to burn an additional 3500 calories for the week in order to lose 1 pound and so how can we attain that? Right? So it is by exercising and also for…and taking less. So whatever that looks like, and so…
Frank: That’s 700 calories a day.
Melina: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Frank: Like, between the two.
Melina: Yeah, exactly. So get rid of 700 calories for the day, and you will absolutely attain that goal. And it’s a guarantee it’ll work. And you don’t need special pills. You don’t need anything. It’s just, it’s such a basic… That’s what I always tell people, you know, we know the formula for losing weight. It’s just take in less than you burn, that’s all.
Frank: And if you fail a couple times in six months, you’ll still be down 35 pounds.
Melina: Exactly. That’s exactly right. And how much better off are you?
David: It’s a mindset, different habits and different mindset. You’re conscious of it, aware of it all the time. And actually, after maybe two weeks of following that, it becomes a normal calculation in your head on what you eat. You won’t eat certain meals or you kind of count calories in your head.
Christian: “Hi. This is Christian Rios. As many of you know, I’ve been a member of New Wealth Advisors Club for over seven years and got started when I was 17 years old with absolutely no real estate experience. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from being in the industry is the need for authentic relationships. If you’re looking for an actual team locally in Southern California with all the resources needed to close deals, register for one of our free workshops by visiting www.joinnwac.com. Thanks for listening to the Flippin’ Off Podcast.”
David: It becomes a normal calculation in your head on what you eat. You won’t eat certain meals or, you know, you kind of count calories in your head.
Melina: Somebody said that to me yesterday morning, actually. Somebody at the club, there was…oh, I think it was Frank’s burrito. Remember? And Sandy said, “I think you know you won’t eat that.” And what did she say? “Because you’re on a diet.” That’s what she told me or something. She said something like that. And I started laughing and I was like, “What do you mean?” And she said, “Well, you don’t eat that kind of food.” And I said, “Well, I’m not on a diet. That is my way of being. That is just my way of being. It’s my lifestyle. I don’t eat chorizo. I love chorizo and it’s not like I won’t eat it ever but in my regular you know habits of the way that I eat, I don’t eat them.” And so from her perspective she’s like, “Yeah, you don’t really eat that.” And I was like, “No, I don’t.” Not because I’m on a diet, just because that’s my lifestyle. Because I lost 100 pounds 25 years ago I’m never putting 100 pounds back on.
David: Diets suck anyway.
Melina: What?
David: Diets suck anyway. They’re hard. When it becomes a lifestyle change it’s…
Melina: Well, it become a habit.
Christian: And what keeps coming to my mind that I want to share is whether it’s losing weight or business we have to create the little wins, the little rewards. Like for me I like creating little carrots. Like, if I’m working hard these amount of days I want to take one day off and just completely enjoy it, or three months take a vacation. And I think for your mentee, I don’t know, if she has a favorite meal, be okay with a cheat day in two weeks or like, because it is a lifestyle. Because then in six months if she loses that, and then goes back to the old ways and it’s all for nothing so… She has to get on a diet that she likes, that the food she likes blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, so it just comes down to lifestyle. And for me it’s, and everyone listening, it’s definitely, like, create little carrots, create little carrots for yourself so you can, you know, focus right now on what you have to do. But you also have something that you’re looking to definitely get.
Melina: Well, that’s an interesting thing, because it’s the carrot right? It’s the carrot or the stick.
Oscar: Yeah.
Frank: I was gonna say something like from the carrot perspective, the other mindset on that sometimes people will say, “Get up and make your bed first thing in the morning,” right? Because it’s the first win of the day and it kind of starts you on a winning pattern for that day. So you have a win and then, you know, you have these little, tiny wins all the way through. And for me, a resolution is like at the beginning of the year, it’s the first loss of the day, or it’s the first loss of the year, right? Because by day 21, I’ve already failed, or by Monday, on day 1, I woke up too late, and I actually didn’t do what I had resolved to do. So I think that that is, in my mind, the way that I’m thinking about it is like, you know, people will say, “Get up and just have little, small wins.” And make sure those wins are small. Like when you do the SMART goals, you break it down. Today, I cut out 450 calories. That’s a huge win for somebody who’s only aiming towards 3500 calories a week. And taking those wins every day as well. You know, personally, I’ve only ever succeeded at one new year’s resolution, and that’s when I resolved to never make a new year’s resolution again.
Melina: Is that real? Is that true?
Frank: Yeah. Josh and I…
Melina: When did you do that?
Frank: I don’t know. Fifteen years ago. We were like, “We should just resolve to never do that again.” We never have. Like, I was thinking about all the years back before, I never did a resolution.
Melina: Really?
Frank: Because it seemed like if there’s something you don’t want to accomplish, make it a resolution. I mean, because of the environment that we’re in, we’re all goal oriented, each one of us support us in reaching those goals so we don’t use the word resolution. I was thinking, like, we used to joke about people making resolutions like, “Let’s see how far he gets.” It was literally just a joke. It was never real. And that was almost the expectation like…
Christian: That you will fail?
Frank: Yeah, that you’ll fail. It’s almost like, “So and so said they’re not going to eat off the lunch truck in the morning anymore and they’ll skip the breakfast burrito. How much you want to bet Friday he’s gonna be on that burrito?” and say, “I was good this week. I’m gonna get a burrito.” And like, I feel like we had… You know that movie “Deadpool?” I think we would bet the fat guy right there, “He’s gonna eat that. Look he’s getting a burrito. I told you, man. He’s trying to sneak it in. He’s got it under his shirt.”
Oscar: Pay up. Pay up. Pay up.
Frank: I was thinking back, I was like, that’s why in my mind when I think of resolutions like, “Hell no. I’m not gonna do resolutions.” That’s like, we know that you’re gonna fail. So when you think of it, it’s just so negative because… Like to me it’s an American tradition of failure. Like, your friends, especially in a work environment where you’re punching the clock there’s nothing else to do but joke about people’s resolution. So, I was just thinking like, “When did I, like…”
John: That’s it. That’s it.
Frank: Yeah, I never did a resolution because it was a joke. Nobody keeps their resolutions especially in that environment, the punching your clock environment, it’s like, you know, it’s a joke but… And I was thinking this is a completely different environment and a different conversation because each one of us sets goals. We keep each other accountable. If you say you’re going to do a resolution, it’s like what’s that? We’ve had goals all year. Like, that’s not even a part of the conversation. So I was just thinking, people that aren’t in this environment and they’re in a job, and everybody’s at a job, there’s resolutions. Like, it’s a tradition. And the running joke is how long is so and so going to not eat off the lunch truck? We’re going to see him out there for sure. And then he’s gonna hide the fact that he actually did it.
Oscar: You know, until your post, I was just sitting here thinking and it’s like, I don’t remember even thinking about resolutions. It’s been so long. Until your post I was like, “Oh, yeah, people do that.”
Melina: Yeah, that was…like, it came up and I was like, “Hey, this is part of your commitment is, you know, posting content, on social media. So it’s the new year so that seems like the most…” you know, I was like, “Oh, dude, I just want to…” you know? I hate it.
Oscar: We all know somebody.
Melina: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Oscar: Every year they say the same things.
Melina: So what’s the takeaway from today’s conversation about resolutions?
David: Yeah, I was gonna say I think the real takeaway is, don’t focus so much on maybe like one outcome rather than just changing your habits to get there. You know, actually little day to day things that you do will eventually get you to that place. Like you said, when you lost 100 pounds, it wasn’t like you set a goal. You literally just changed your life and started doing things differently. And for me, that’s the only way I’ve ever been able to make anything work. When I go after something, it’s because I changed my daily habits. I changed those habits to get there and I haven’t found another way.
Melina: No, there isn’t another way. So they say it takes 21 days to create a habit and how many days to break a habit?
Melina: Is it 21?
David: To break that?
Melina: To break it? I thought it was more.
Frank: I was always under the impression that it takes a total of 42 days. It’s the way I’ve always understood it, 21 days to break the old habit while you’re taking on the new habit, and then 21 days to actually make the new action a habit.
David: How many hours does it take to master something?
Frank: If you listen to Malcolm Gladwell it’s 10,000 hours.
David: Yeah, and I think it’s closer to 20,000. Honestly, I think you don’t really become a master at your craft until 20,000. And that craft doesn’t have to be, you know what you think it is. It’s literally at anything. A habit is a craft, you know, and so everything you do, you got to put the time into it, to get…you know, to be able to be a master at it.
John: I think one of the takeaways today is if you did set a resolution, it’s now about looking to change it to a SMART resolution, SMART goals. Actually look at how you’re implementing those changes to get to where it is that you wanted your resolution to be.
David: Write it down, SMART goals. You guys, if you’re listening to this, write it down. Johnny, say it one more time so they know.
John: SMART goals.
Melina: Yes. SMART is an acronym so S-M-A-R-T.
Christian: My takeaway, and it just came to me…
David: Oh, you left them hanging. Say it. Say the dang SMART goals.
Frank: It’s SMART, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound.
David: Write it down.
Melina: Yeah, so if you can’t write down your goal and back in and make it answer every one of those questions, then it’s not a SMART goal.
Christian: Yeah, sorry.
Melina: No, it’s okay.
Christian: I got, like, tunnel vision of what I wanted to say.
Melina: Go ahead. Go ahead. Let’s hear it.
Christian: So what came to me is everything always starts with the why. You know, what’s your motive behind whatever you want to achieve? And the quote that came to me is, you know, “When the why is big enough the how becomes easy,” right? The how is easy. So, when I was sharing and I talked about a carrot, we talked about the carrot and the stick. People are motivated with either a carrot or you know, they get whacked with the stick and it gets them going. I was like, “Man, what’s my stick?” And I think it really is just my mental space where if I don’t do what I intend to do what is the outcome going to be? And I play that out. So that for me is a stick in itself is do I want that reward or do I want the stick of not achieving something. So, everyone, know your why of why…whatever resolution, goal you want to set, know your why. And then what is the carrot and the stick. If it’s smoking, you know, play that out and see, you know, like for me, I don’t want to throw you under the bus, John but it’s like Alana, you know? Like think of it from you know, you’re no longer thinking and I know that’s gonna be his biggest motivation, 1000%.
Melina: I agree. I agree.
Christian: That’s my two cents.
Melina: No, that’s really good. You know, I really love how you talk about the stick and playing it forward. And I think that’s, you know, something that a lot of people don’t have the… I kind of think that requires a lot of self-discipline to be honest with yourself about what the outcome is. So I know for me when I’m thinking about… I will be somebody who is more motivated by the stick than the carrot, like, in general. Sometimes I’m definitely a carrot person, but in general, I’m a stick person.
David: Me too.
Melina: Meaning the consequences are going to be more motivating to me than some kind of carrot or a treat, right? So I always play through what is the stick gonna feel like. So, for example, in terms of eating or not working out, I think about how I feel when I don’t work out. I think about the misery of that. And I can tell you something that…I’m going to share this with you, it’s really funny. I just shared this with your kids the other night, David. One of the things that I had to learn how to do is like I’m naturally a night owl. I am by nature, which surprises a lot of people because I’ve completely shifted that. But it took me a long time to not be a night owl. And here’s what I would do. When I would have to go to bed at night and I wasn’t sleepy and I didn’t want to go to bed, I would literally lay there and think about how I felt in the morning when you have to get up and how miserable that is. So I would lay there and play it through in my mind. And this, I was young and I would play through in my mind, “I need to go to sleep,”” because otherwise I know what it feels like in the morning. When the alarm goes off and I don’t want to get out of bed, what is that feeling? And that is the thing that would keep me in bed to try to go to sleep, to change my sleeping habits. So I think that’s a really powerful tool and I didn’t really realize what I was doing until I was having a conversation with your kids about it because you know, we’re on Christmas break and you know how it is, like, we’re up late and if your nature is to be a night owl, then… Because you should see our house at 11 o’clock at night. It’s hilarious. It’s going off. It’s like there’s so much energy happening because everybody is naturally night owls. Most of us are anyway. And so it’s hilarious. We’re doing cartwheels and stuff in my bedroom at 11 o’clock at night with a 5-year-old. That’s not normal, I don’t think. So, you know, you do have to change maybe even your genetic makeup because obviously that’s Trinity’s…that’s her makeup. Her physical makeup is to just be a night owl. So she has to train her body to do something different. It’s not easy. Yeah. So… All right, any other takeaways that anybody would give?
Tim: I think a takeaway that I have is that, you know, for me the word resolve, it kind of feels like, to use Frank’s analogy of the burrito off the truck in the morning, it’s like, you know, I spent 10 years waking up, I wake up hungry, and I want to go have that burrito because I like it. And I’m resolving that tomorrow morning, I’m not gonna want that.
Melina: And that’s ridiculous.
Tim: And that’s ridiculous. And then I’m going to fight myself all day long to actually live into this new resolve that I’ve created for myself. And I think it’s okay to resolve to actually work through it. And that’s what to me SMART goals feels like. It’s like, “I’m making a resolution to hit this SMART goal and I’m making a plan to make it happen day by day.” So, like, Josh and I worked through this a while back about cigarettes. And he was looking at it saying he was smoking like 40 cigarettes a day, almost 2 packs a day, I think is where he was. And we basically said, “Look, every week you smoke one less cigarette. Like, next week, you’re gonna smoke 39 cigarettes a day and that’s it.” And he and I, we literally just talked about this the other day, because I was like, “What happened with that?” And where I believe he ended up hitting a wall is he got down to like five cigarettes a day, and then he started saying, “I’m gonna break them in half and I’m going to smoke 10 times today, but I’m still gonna only smoke my 5 cigarettes.” And it threw off his whole rhythm. He went backwards. He was still smoking less cigarettes, but the habit got broken of cutting it out and he went back and he…but I truly believe that if he was to do that again, or if you were to maybe take something like that on…because Josh was like, “I’m gonna smoke one less cigarette a day,” I’m like, “Okay, that gives you 40 days to quit smoking entirely. Why don’t we look at one a week? Just go for 38 cigarettes all this week. And then next week 37 cigarettes.”
Melina: Yeah. That’s really good. Really good.
Tim: You know, give yourself 40 weeks to quit smoking.
David: Before we leave I wanted to say just…this is totally random but it got me thinking about food and people who struggle with food. And I know everybody does because I do too even, but if you’re struggling with food like you said that burrito, you know, you’re just gonna fight yourself because you want the burrito. I get it, I love burritos but maybe don’t eat the whole thing. Just focus on portions. Like, that’s what I always like to tell people, portion. Like have half the burrito. Give yourself half a burrito and then share the other, like, give the other half away so you do not go back to it and eat it. But portions, like, if you’re going to go out and you’re fighting yourself to not go to McDonald’s, like, just go to McDonald and don’t get fries one time. Make a better decision and still do it and then little by little, you know, just better and better.
Tim: I don’t know if this has anything to do with it but one thing, when it comes to food I’ve lost quite a bit of weight the last part of the year and I’m under 250 for the first time in a long time. And one thing that you said David, about a year and a half ago almost probably is that you just have to be okay being uncomfortable. And that’s one of those things whenever I start feeling hungry and I want to eat and I’m like, “Nope, I’m gonna push it to…through till 4 o’clock today,” because I do intermittent fasting now. And so I’m just going to be hungry for the next two hours and I’m going to be okay with it. I’ll drink some water and be uncomfortable for an hour and then I’ll go eat, you know? So being okay being uncomfortable also, is part of it.
Melina: Such a mindset.
Tim: Yeah.
Melina: Such a mindset. I’m going to be uncomfortable and I accept that. I choose uncomfortable.
Frank: I was thinking what Christian was referring to in relation to John, and so me and the family we set some goals together. We’ve been going to the gym, going walking, it’s something that we do together. But besides that, I just think about my kids, like, what am I doing that’s a bad influence on my kids? Like for me, setting goals or resolutions and not keeping them that’s a bad influence on my kids. That’s a bad example to set.
David: That’s not integrity.
Frank: Right. And I think a lot of our kids they follow what we do.
Melina: Well, 100%.
Frank: And for me that’s a bigger picture. Beyond me, I have my kids so we’ve got them enrolled in some habit changes and going to the gym, spending time together. Like, that was the biggest takeaway for me is like the resolution or the goals they’re not just about me, they affect everybody, everybody around me, what they see, my kids, probably my kids’ kids, that for me is a big takeaway from this.
David: So true, dude.
Melina: Absolutely. Absolutely. Oscar?
Oscar: Yeah, that’s kind of where I was too that, like, for everybody here at this table, specifically, right, and for anybody else that’s in leadership, everybody is affected by what you do, what you say, how you dress, everything about us, right, is looked upon. And so if you’re out there wondering why it is that your relationships suck, people aren’t…you know, people want people to look at them and follow them and do those types of things. And if you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, you’re not setting the goals that you’re supposed to be setting, how can you expect someone else to do that? How can you hold them accountable? Because they don’t say it. But what happens is they drift away from you. And then you’re wondering, “What the hell happened? Where did everybody go?”
David: They’re watching.
Oscar: So for me, that’s the big thing is, be your word. Right. Be in integrity always. And be congruent with what you’re saying because you can talk the talk, but if you’re not doing it, people see it. It’s clear as day. And then the last thing is celebrate those little wins. Always celebrate them because every goal there’s different things that have to happen. We talk about goals and commitments. So to achieve a goal, there’s 10 commitments you have to make. And there’s 50 things that have to get done that are small to achieve that goal. But when you achieve those things, right, because you’re now 50% there. But we lose sight of that, because we think it’s a failure, like, “Oh, I didn’t do it.” But then like you said earlier, right, when you go back, it’s like, “Oh, shit, I did this. I did this. I did this. I did this. Progress.”
Melina: That’s an interesting thing because if I look back at my goal, to have my financial fitness class outline done, that wasn’t a SMART goal because I didn’t get my certification until the 10th of December. So what would make me think, you know, it wasn’t very smart. It wasn’t a SMART goal, and I didn’t break it down like that. I just was like, “I’m gonna do this.” So, you know, even setting SMART goals is a habit that you have to set. I didn’t even think about it.
David: Yeah, because you had a bunch of anxiety around it.
Melina: I did.
David: You had all sorts of anxiety, like, “Oh, my God, I haven’t got this done still.”
Melina: Uh-huh. That’s exactly right.
Oscar: That’s another great point is when you don’t have goals, right, you live in anxiety.
David: Yeah, it’s… Naturally.
Oscar: Because you’re like you had this thought of, “I’m gonna do this,” and immediately, right, you’re stressed out.
Melina: So, so true. Such a good point.
Christian: That’d be a good conversation for the next podcast.
Melina: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Christian: Last thing I wanted to share is for those that are listening, like, if you’re a club member or not a club member, I’d want for you guys to reach out to all of us, like, find us on Facebook or Instagram and share with us maybe some of your goals or some of the habits that you’ve been able to achieve, just so… You know, we’re all looking to grow as well. And we’d love to connect with you guys too.
Melina: Excellent. Yeah. So all right, well, we are NWAC leadership and we are flippin’ off.
David: Peace.
Oscar: Bye.
Melina: I’m Melina Boswell, your host of the “Flippin’ Off Podcast.” I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did, we’d love for you to subscribe. Give us a 5 star rating and tell your friends all about us. You can find more episodes of the “Flippin’ Off Podcast” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever else you like to listen to awesome podcasts like this. If you like what you’ve heard, we’d really appreciate it if you’d follow us on Facebook and Instagram and tell us the stories that you’d like to hear.
Tim Jackson is our senior producer. Luke Jackson is our editor. Brothers. Josh Mauldin is our producer. Sound Design by Frequency Factory. Our executive producer is Mind & Mill. This was all created by Dave Boswell for New Wealth Advisors Club.